[dodsno]

... with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, "replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. " He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first..."

[snarg]

this is a great joke every time i hear it
we miss you, monkey boy

[dodsno]

thanks snargie, sorry had a rough time lately switching jobs, my son growing and such, some projects. tooons of things and I let the IT thingie slope a little bit.

anyhow not that much ;-)

[JCW]

Here's another joke I chuckled about recently:

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral........I'm a gynecologist.'

The proctologist fainted.

[dodsno]

A man takes a bus tour through a Native American reservation. About halfway through the tour, the guide stops the bus and points out a man sitting on the side of the road. "That's Old Chief Crazyhorse. He never forgets anything". The tour group disembarks the bus and walks over to meet the Chief.

Sceptical, the man asks of the Chief :

"What did you have for breakfast on April 5, 1964?".
"Eggs" replies the Chief.

The man dismisses the answer as nonsense, gets back on the bus with the group and finishes the trip.

Years later, the man is driving along a road in the same area and spots Old Chief Crazyhorse. He pulls over and winds down the window. Struggling to remember Native American customs, he greets the Chief with a "How". Looking up, the Chief replies, "Scrambled".

[BIRD33]

http://www.dailybreeze.com/news/ci_14751222

Jury hears closing arguments in case of fortune teller accused of rape

A self-described fortune teller from Inglewood "fooled" two teenage girls into sexually submitting to him by telling them bad things would happen to them if they refused, a prosecutor said Wednesday.


First let me start off by saying rape is not funny especially if it involves minors.That being said I think the girls should have listened more closely to the part of their fortune where the guy said "I'm going to rape you".




The first girl was 16 years old when she met Duran on a street and he told her to pick up a leaf and crumple it so he could read her fortune, Kim said. Duran then told her she was lonely, going to die and bad things would happen to her family, Kim said.

I call dibs on this particular pick up line for the philadelphia metro area.





Duran met her at her house and took her to his home in the 300 block of South Inglewood Avenue and told her: "I can help you, but I have to be in you," Kim said. When the girl said she didn't understand, he told her "my spirit has to be in you," Kim said.

No comment.




He took her into the bedroom where he rubbed up against her, angrily telling her he couldn't help her without her help, Kim added.

Rarely do sexual encounters that I have not sound exactly like that.

[BIRD33]

This is precious.Also all the parents involved should have their kids taken away.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/earnestp/scarfac...l-play-4yk

[snarg]

This is precious.Also all the parents involved should have their kids taken away.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/earnestp/scarfac...l-play-4yk

i think it's time to stop talking about "carrying this palce" and get some people to post
not much of a load to carry since you are all alone all day
do you talk to yourself when nobody is around??

[JCW]

This is precious.Also all the parents involved should have their kids taken away.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/earnestp/scarfac...l-play-4yk

Ok this is just FUCKED UP. There's no other way to describe that. Wow.

[BIRD33]

i think it's time to stop talking about "carrying this palce" and get some people to post
not much of a load to carry since you are all alone all day
do you talk to yourself when nobody is around??

#1 when you come up with something funnier than that post let me know.All you do here is follow me.

#2 You didnt even fucking know that coach K went to a final four after 1994.Pathetic.

[spunky]

Ok this is just FUCKED UP. There's no other way to describe that. Wow.

(popc) they has it...

[SporK]

This is precious.Also all the parents involved should have their kids taken away.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/earnestp/scarfac...l-play-4yk

This was pure shit. They got half the scenes wrong.

-SporK