[Bonkyboy]

You get nervous when there are only three bottles of liquor left in your house.

You forget how pants work.

You’ve apologized to people you don’t remember meeting for things you don’t remember doing in places you don’t remember going.

Your paychecks are deposited directly into a bar’s bank account.

Instead of “Good morning,” the first words out of your mouth are “Have you seen my trousers?”

You’ve asked a waiter: “What sort of wine goes with vodka?”

When buying floor tile, you press your face against it to see how comfortable it would be to sleep on.

You get into a loud, enraged argument, then realize you’re alone.

Your favorite bar installed a seat belt on your barstool.

The glass isn’t half empty or half full. It just needs to be topped off.

You have two personalities: Mr. Responsibility and Mr. I-Think-I’ll-Call-All-My-Old-Girlfriends-While-I'm-Blacked-Out.

You’d join AA but your always too drunk too memorize the pledge.

You quit drinking once, and it was the worst afternoon of your life.

You wear Hawaiian shirts because it’s tougher to see vomit stains on them.

You come home sober and your dog bites you.

You’re kept awake at night by the sound of your liver crying.

When a cop asks you to walk a straight line, you ask, “Which one?”

You’re definition of a problem drinker is guy who won’t buy you a round.

You hate the person you become when you black out, because, you know, that fucker drinks all your beer.

You know hangovers only last a day, but a good drinking story lives on forever.

The only useful thing you got out of an A.A. meeting was learning how to identify your enablers. Because, hey, those guys are most likely to buy you a drink.

The last words you remember each night are, “Hold my beer and watch this!”

You once got so drunk you dreamed you got fired and broke up with your girlfriend — and it all came true!

You know the best beer in the world is the one in your hand.

You fell down two flights of stairs and didn’t spill a drop.

Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question.

If a man gave you a fish and you’d eat for a day. If he taught you to fish you’d sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If it weren’t for the olives in your martinis, you’d starve to death.

You always cook with wine. Sometimes you even add it to the food.

You drink a bottle of wine everyday. Unless you’re sick. Then you drink two.

You refer to grapes as “wine eggs.”

Quitting drinking is the easiest thing in the world. You’ve done it a thousand times.

You woke up feeling really strange, then realized you didn’t have a hangover.

You never drink anything stronger than vodka before breakfast.

Your co-workers start whispering with concern when you don’t come in with hangover.

Your boss tells you to “Shape up or ship out,” and you reply, “You mean like a cruise ship? Are the drinks expensive on cruise ships?”

The whole terrorism deal became very clear to you when you found out muslims aren’t allowed to drink.

You wish you were closer to Jesus, especially when he’s doing his wine to water thing.

You hated Ted Kennedy until you realized he can probably outdrink you.

You happen to share the same home town, ethnicity, lifestyle, opinions, occupation or whatever-the-hell of whoever happens to be buying the drinks.

You consider vodka a chaser.

You know a bottle of Jack under your bed is worth a million bottles in the liquor store after midnight.

You refer to your mouth as your “booze hole.”

When you were in high school you had a poster of W.C. Fields on your bedroom wall.

You don’t sniff the cork, you chew it.

Your career is interfering with your drinking.

You get so drunk Bud Light starts tasting like beer.

You heard you get drunker at higher altitudes so you always drink on top of the dumpster.

You masturbate to the liquor ads in Playboy.

You get in a heated conversation with your barstool neighbor about the proper way to vomit from a moving vehicle.

You need a cosigner to open a bar tab.

The monkey on your back is in rehab.

You often take your lover for romantic strolls among the picturesque aisles of liquor superstores.

You will eat a bug for a shot.

You know wine is mentioned in the Bible over 250 times. Perrier? Not once!

You refer to your refrigerator as "the stand-up beer cooler."

You give directions with liquor stores and bars the the major landmarks, i.e., "You'll pass Argonaut's Liquors on the left and Scooter's on the right, then turn right on the street between the Satire Lounge and the Lion's Lair, then continue until you see the tree that looks like a huge martini glass."

You think vomiting is the body's way of making room for the next round.

The first thing you look for on a wine label is the alcohol content.

You recognize last call as a secret signal that all unattended drinks are fair game.

[leeman]

Sassy, is this true?

[Sassy]

Sassy, is this true?

That's me. I cannot tell a lie. :":

[Velvet]

Those are good ones Bonky