[VitaminE]

My monitor is buggin' out on me. Could someone email me a new one?

Sin,
Fem

[Bill]

My cat's passing out on me. Could someone loan me their's?

Sin,
VitE

[TomFoolery]

Dear Ann Landers,


My wife left (read: banned) me last week and it's really bumming me out. I think I know the way to get her back without looking like an obsessed loser though, tell me how this sounds: constantly talk shit about her to her group of friends, make fun of her to my group of friends (even though it will get back to her), and generally just bitch a lot about stuff that people stopped caring about a long time ago.

I got the idea from a relationship I have with an online forum. Does that sound like a good plan?


Thanks for any help you can give me,

Tribal Dragon

[VitaminE]

Hshs!!!!

[asshat]

Mr. Extender Corportion
PO Box 14590
Chicago, Ill 60609

To Whom It May Concern,

I recently purchased a Penis Extender Model 3A from your company through the mail. The instructions stated:

"Simply insert the Penis into the device, secure the head and adjust the tension to your level of comfort, wear it any time of day or night desired. The key to penile enlargement is gradual tension over an extended period of time. Most Max-Xtender users note increases within a week or two!! You can expect permanent penile growth results....up to 2 inches or more."

I am afraid that my penis is not large enough for the contraption to properly grab and hold securely. I am most disappointed in this product. Do you have a smaller version?

Sincerely,


Clay.

[VitaminE]

If you promise to never tell anyone that this is me, you can use it as your avatard!



Sin
???


By sending you a pic of me, I never expressed any interest in you writing my name on the hook and sending me pics.

Sin
???

[asshat]

Mr. Al Gore,

My clients have contacted my firm to file a class action lawsuit against one of your internet users, Mr. TomFoolery. It has been brought to our attention that Mr. Foolery has been using the internet inappropriately and has caused a disruption of service and much mental anguish to my clients. I currently represent 398 clients and have two more cases pending.

At this time I must ask you to contact Mr. Foolery and have him immediately cease and desist all internet activity. I will be informing you of the damages and our cause of action.

Thank you,


Franklin P. Howe.
Dewie, Cheatham and Howe, Attorneys at Law.

[TomFoolery]

Hey TomF,


Do you have any more ideas on how I can be funny? I used all the ones you gave me but I can't think of anything else and I could use some more help. Please hurry and send me a PM since I have two internet sites to try and entertain.

Thanks,

Asshat

[Bill]

If you promise to never tell anyone that this is me, you can use it as your avatard!



Sin
Velvet


By sending you a pic of me, I never expressed any interest in you writing my name on the hook and sending me pics.

Sin
Beau

well there you go....

[asshat]

Melty McMelterton,

I have a feeling TomFoolery will soon be needing your services. This could be an emergency.


Sin,


Insanetrain.com

[asshat]

Leeman,

You have got to help me. Someone has stolen my log in information. It happened about two weeks ago. They are totally slandering my image. I am being made to look like some gay internet forum poster that has a tribe and cares about other people. It is embarassing and humiliating. They even made a flag and a sissy motto. I implore you to return my account and password back to me.

Sincerely,


UnDeadCannonball.

[Jesse Antarctica]

hello,

do you know that you can order you v|%gr/\ and 0th_er ME-DS 0n-line ?

please c|_ck on da link !

[TomFoolery]

Dear InsaneTrain Members,

I found two mmmhhh how do you say things to make this website for posting but I need to explore an way for you to see? If you can find than certificate I will show you but I don't think for do you understand. Once it gets better I will post.


Sincerely,

ntype

[Jdub]

Leeman,

You have got to help me. Someone has stolen my log in information. It happened about two weeks ago. They are totally slandering my image. I am being made to look like some gay internet forum poster that has a tribe and cares about other people. It is embarassing and humiliating. They even made a flag and a sissy motto. I implore you to return my account and password back to me.

Sincerely,


UnDeadCannonball.

That was fucking sweet!!!

[BIRD33]

Dear Mrs. Purple Haze,

While we thank you for the submission of your proposed book we at Random House do not feel there is a market right now for a coffee table book titled "Cock Pic's".We wish you luck in finding a publisher along with one critique of your work,the one picture labeled "TF" needs increased resolution.Again best of luck

Random House Publishing
1745 Broadway
New York, NY 10019 USA

[Banana]

Hey TomF,


Do you have any more ideas on how I can be funny? I used all the ones you gave me but I can't think of anything else and I could use some more help. Please hurry and send me a PM since I have two internet sites to try and entertain.

Thanks,

Asshat

Dear TomF,

That shit only works on kids under 6.


Carry on.

Sincerely,
Reverse Psychology

[Banana]

Dear nchammer: (I can't fucking use pepsi for everything)

In light of your vascillating departure from and return to IT, we thought we'd better get this to you without further delay.

We are going to reprise the show Saved by the Bell, but unfortunately, the cast have grown up, unlike yourself, and have personalities, friends, and real jobs.

We are going to replace the character 'Screech' with a character called 'Wretch'. This means you will be playing a woman. This character is a nasty girl who talks shit about people, ineffectively, and dedicates her off hours to spreading vicious gossip and complaining endlessly. Eventually, she gets her comeuppance, but not until the end of the second season, so you have at least a couple years employment ahead of you. Which is more than you can say now.

No need to worry about the lack of acting experience, just show up, if you know what I mean.


Sincerely,

The former producers of 'Saved by the Bell'

[TomFoolery]

Dear Jon Bon Jovi,


Your music has helped me change my life. I used to be your average college girl that would go home with the first dick that offered itself to me, but now I am a changed woman thanks to WQMR radio and their gay musical rotation. I have listened to your "All Talk, No Action" song over and over again, and 2 years ago I decided to incorporate it to my own personal mission statement. I am no longer a slut, now I'm only viewed and labeled as one.

Sincerely,


Banana

[Banana]

Dear TomFoolery (aka - CEO of Message Board Snafu's)

I have a surrrrrprise for you this week! Guess who's comin? And it's not Santa Claus. It's ME! However, in the spirit of past Halloween, I'll be coming dressed as Pepsi. Can't wait until I see you in the flesh. Toodles!

Karma

[bdics ego]

Dear InsaneTrian(sp?) Membres (sp?),

I win!

- bdics ego