Say you have two kids, aged 7 and 5. While playing one day one of them accidentally causes an accident that seriously maims and disfigures the other (say, knocks a frying pan with hot oil off the stove, or while playing rough pushes him out of a tree.) We're talking something that will take years of plastic surgery and this kid will never look "normal" again. But, it was caused by something that was truly an accident, with no malice in it. How do you handle that in terms of:
- punishment for the kid?
- the kids relationships with each other moving forward?
- blame?
Posts: 3,318
Threads: 288
Joined: Mar 2005
Reputation:
0
I sell them both to gypsies and reap the benefits of being brat free again.
Don't you think there is bound to be guilt. And on the other side of the coin there is going to be anger, and a feeling that your sibling robbed you of something and probably owes you. Do you think you would be surprised if the kids grew up estranged and didn't speak to each other as adults?
It depends on the situation that brought forth the accident. Say it was a hot pan of grease like you say. If it was left with the handle sticking out and one of the kids knocked it off by chasing each other through the kitchen, it is neither if the kids fault for a couple of reasons. Those being that parents should of taught their kids better than to run through the kitchen (or in the house for that matter) by that age. Also, it is common knowledge that you don't leave the handles sticking out off the stove with hot grease with kids around. At that age though that kind of behaviour comes naturally from kids. I reckon the best way to handle it would be to show both of the kids that shit happens. Life ain't always fair. As a parent I would probably remind them that I should have watched out better for them to relieve the blame when I saw tension mounting. A real toughie indeed.
Posts: 28,652
Threads: 4,420
Joined: May 2004
Reputation:
0
make believe is so much funner than real life
Posts: 32,452
Threads: 5
Joined: Jun 2004
Reputation:
0
- punishment for the kid? Not if it was an accident
- the kids relationships with each other moving forward? Thats really up to them or the injuried party.
- blame? Not unless you want one of them to kill themselves.
See You In Toledo
So do any of you think your initial knee jerk reaction wouldn't be anger at the kid that caused it? And in reality could really put aside the anger in the initial moments?
Therapy as adults may be necessary, but as parent's, you really need to reinforce that no one is to blame and you will heal together. Kids are left with emotional wounds all the time. They are just as destructive as physical wounds and scars.
Posts: 16,012
Threads: 1,685
Joined: Nov 2004
Reputation:
0
Beaucephus Wrote:It would be if I would have taught them better. In other words if I had told them time and time again not to be running through the kitchen I would be very upset. but the first thing I would be concerned about was if the hurt child was ok and get him / her taken care of. Going into a rage/fit at the tiem it happened would do no one any good whatsoever.
2nd, and mourning for yourself is quite selfish, though natural. children's well being ALWAYS comes first, even for a selfish prick like myself.
I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours
Posts: 15,386
Threads: 638
Joined: Jun 2004
Reputation:
0
leucetios Wrote:So do any of you think your initial knee jerk reaction wouldn't be anger at the kid that caused it? And in reality could really put aside the anger in the initial moments?
it's amazing, leu, how different one's reactions are when their own children are involved (exluding sociopaths, of course)
if one of the kids were one's own and the other were not, it might be different, but if both are your own, the instinct if toward healing
kudos to arby, bill, nana, beau and others for some outstanding insight
narg:
I realise that I have a past to break with--an accumulation of inertia, wrong, foolishness, rot, junk. A great need of clarification, of mindfulness, or rather, of no mind. A need to return to genuine practice, right effort. Need to push on the great doubt. Need for the spirit. Hang on to the clear light.
Thomas Merton
Posts: 1,944
Threads: 102
Joined: Sep 2004
Reputation:
0
I would cry every night if it were my kid, if it was someone elses stupid kid that did it ....
![[Image: line.gif]](http://www.goranot.com/jokes/line.gif)
