06-03-2005, 06:14 PM
Number 5:
> A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow
> goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to
> her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know
> you'll forgive me."
> She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
> 221."
>
> Number 4:
> A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman.
> He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks
> her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It
> says
> that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the
> best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
> "Tonto Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."
>
> Number 3:
>
> One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing
> his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've
> got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
>
> The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back
> over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment
> tomorrow too?"
>
> Number 2:
>
> Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
> number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that
> he had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
> pickle slicer.
> His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
> it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome
> the compulsion on his own.
> One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once
> that something was seriously wrong.
> "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
> "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put
> my penis into the pickle slicer?"
> "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did."
> "My! God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired."
> "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
> "Oh...she got fired too."
>
> Number 1:
> A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
> breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty
> years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
> "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as
> jaybirds fifty years ago."
> "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."
> Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
> "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
> nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
> "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and
> the other is in your oatmeal."
> A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow
> goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to
> her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know
> you'll forgive me."
> She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
> 221."
>
> Number 4:
> A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman.
> He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks
> her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It
> says
> that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the
> best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
> "Tonto Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."
>
> Number 3:
>
> One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing
> his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've
> got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
>
> The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back
> over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment
> tomorrow too?"
>
> Number 2:
>
> Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
> number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that
> he had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
> pickle slicer.
> His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
> it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome
> the compulsion on his own.
> One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once
> that something was seriously wrong.
> "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
> "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put
> my penis into the pickle slicer?"
> "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did."
> "My! God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired."
> "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
> "Oh...she got fired too."
>
> Number 1:
> A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
> breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty
> years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
> "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as
> jaybirds fifty years ago."
> "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."
> Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
> "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
> nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
> "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and
> the other is in your oatmeal."