08-01-2005, 09:13 PM
Many moons ago, after a night of heavy drinking and whore soliciting, a drunk spork and his friend "B" are sitting with two mid-late 20 year old skanks in a diner at 5am. Spork has the eggs with a Long Island Ice tea. B has the same. Who cares what the whores had. So we picked up these hos at a nearby club an hour ago but these are friends of B's...I am forced to remain a nice guy. After breakfast, we say our goodbyes and the whores go home.
B: "You wanna call it a night?"
Spork: "No. Hold on."
Spork flips open the celly...5 minutes later - ding ding - we have an after party. To the party we go.
The arrival: My friend, who's house it was, opens the door barely standing - everyone is fucked up and nearly passed out. There are many bitches. There is still liqour left. Things are looking up.
Somehow or other I end up on a couch with some dumb bitch. I try to fit as many of my fingers inside of her as possible, she doesn't object. Because I am a nice guy, I don't want to disturb anyone's sleep. We take things to the bathroom. I am not sober. I can't see her face. All I know is she rides cock well. After what seemed like an eternity, I award her with a now filled latex condom. I think I may have told her to go throw it out...I'm not sure. If I didn't, then I don't know what happened to it.
Then a good idea dawns upon me. Hey, why not wash this bitches skanky smell off? You're in a bathroom, there's a shower. Without thinking about it for too much longer, I decide to hop in the shower. A few minutes pass and to my displeasure, the bitch returns. Displeasing me further, she strips off whatever clothes she had on, locks the door and joins me in the shower. I am mad and irritated by this. All of a sudden she hands me some soap or a sponge or something and asks me to wash her back. I am drunk. I agree. Now let me explain this to you, she is standing with her back to me, facing the shower head and the faucet below it. I am standing with my back to the other end, and moving my right hand around her back. All of a sudden I get the urge to urinate. The toilet is too far, it would involve leaving the shower. I decide to urinate right there. I then decide to aim my urine at her back. This goes on until she notices a yellowish discoloration in the water. "What are you doing????" is all I hear as she turns around to now have my piss all over her chest and stomach. I am laughing. She on the other hand doesn't find this funny and attempts to push me away. She succeeds in slipping on the watery floor of the tub and tripping me up in the process. We both fall backwards. The next thing I hear is "CLUNK!". We have a direct hit, her head has connected with the faucet. She is crying. I am laughing histerically. She is trying to repeatedly kick me in the nuts. I am holding my jewels with both hands, still laughing hysterically. I am nearly in tears. The bathtub is now filling with blood that is leaking from her scalp.
This has apparently woken people up, my friend who's house it was, pops open the bathroom door and walks in on (as he later decribed it) the following scenario: I am laughing hysterically and holding my nuts. The bitch is holding her head, crying and trying to kick me. And all of this is going on in a bathtub filled with blood. He is now also laughing. Albeit his laughter, he throws me a towel and lifts our victim from the tub, placing her into a towel and taking her out of the bathroom. I finish my shower.
I am now zestfully clean.
Walking out of the bathroom, the same friend comes over and tells me there is a problem. Apparently this vile vile slut has told her friends about me. They are very mad at me for my urinating. My friend informs me it would be a good time to go. I agree. B and I decide to call it a night.
-Spork
B: "You wanna call it a night?"
Spork: "No. Hold on."
Spork flips open the celly...5 minutes later - ding ding - we have an after party. To the party we go.
The arrival: My friend, who's house it was, opens the door barely standing - everyone is fucked up and nearly passed out. There are many bitches. There is still liqour left. Things are looking up.
Somehow or other I end up on a couch with some dumb bitch. I try to fit as many of my fingers inside of her as possible, she doesn't object. Because I am a nice guy, I don't want to disturb anyone's sleep. We take things to the bathroom. I am not sober. I can't see her face. All I know is she rides cock well. After what seemed like an eternity, I award her with a now filled latex condom. I think I may have told her to go throw it out...I'm not sure. If I didn't, then I don't know what happened to it.
Then a good idea dawns upon me. Hey, why not wash this bitches skanky smell off? You're in a bathroom, there's a shower. Without thinking about it for too much longer, I decide to hop in the shower. A few minutes pass and to my displeasure, the bitch returns. Displeasing me further, she strips off whatever clothes she had on, locks the door and joins me in the shower. I am mad and irritated by this. All of a sudden she hands me some soap or a sponge or something and asks me to wash her back. I am drunk. I agree. Now let me explain this to you, she is standing with her back to me, facing the shower head and the faucet below it. I am standing with my back to the other end, and moving my right hand around her back. All of a sudden I get the urge to urinate. The toilet is too far, it would involve leaving the shower. I decide to urinate right there. I then decide to aim my urine at her back. This goes on until she notices a yellowish discoloration in the water. "What are you doing????" is all I hear as she turns around to now have my piss all over her chest and stomach. I am laughing. She on the other hand doesn't find this funny and attempts to push me away. She succeeds in slipping on the watery floor of the tub and tripping me up in the process. We both fall backwards. The next thing I hear is "CLUNK!". We have a direct hit, her head has connected with the faucet. She is crying. I am laughing histerically. She is trying to repeatedly kick me in the nuts. I am holding my jewels with both hands, still laughing hysterically. I am nearly in tears. The bathtub is now filling with blood that is leaking from her scalp.
This has apparently woken people up, my friend who's house it was, pops open the bathroom door and walks in on (as he later decribed it) the following scenario: I am laughing hysterically and holding my nuts. The bitch is holding her head, crying and trying to kick me. And all of this is going on in a bathtub filled with blood. He is now also laughing. Albeit his laughter, he throws me a towel and lifts our victim from the tub, placing her into a towel and taking her out of the bathroom. I finish my shower.
I am now zestfully clean.
Walking out of the bathroom, the same friend comes over and tells me there is a problem. Apparently this vile vile slut has told her friends about me. They are very mad at me for my urinating. My friend informs me it would be a good time to go. I agree. B and I decide to call it a night.
-Spork
Pre-order my book. I've written a bunch of material and we're currently shopping around for a publisher.
-SPorK
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