[Anhil8tor]

From http://tongodeon.livejournal.com/890323.html

Fun With Secret Questions & Answers
My new bank, Ally Bank, configures a security question and answer for customer service calls. In addition to your SSN, date of birth, and mother's maiden name they also ask you the question you specify and wait for the answer you've provided. This is good, because many standard questions are guessable in a way that user-defined questions may not be.

Ally Bank Secret Question & Answer

A real live human operator always asks the question and waits for a real live answer. This measure has the potential to not just improve my account security but add entertainment value as well:

Q: Do you know why I think you're so sexy?
A: Probably because you're totally in love with me.

Q: Need any weed? Grass? Kind bud? Shrooms?
A: No thanks hippie, I'd just like to do some banking.

Q: The Penis shoots Seeds, and makes new Life to poison the Earth with a plague of men.
A: Go forth, and kill. Zardoz has spoken.

Q: What the hell is your fucking problem, sir?
A: This is completely inappropriate and I'd like to speak to your supervisor.

Q: I've been embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from my employer, and I don't care who knows it.
A: It's a good thing they're recording this call, because I'm going to have to report you.

Q: Are you really who you say you are?
A: No, I am a Russian identity thief.

Q: For the remainder of this conversation, "How can I help you today?" actually means "Would you like to buy some mescaline?" Do you understand?
A: I understand completely.

[Anhil8tor]

Q: Your voice is really turning me on.
A: I like where this is going. Tell me more.

Q: Condor 86171, Go Secure.
A: Line Secured. Authorization Alpha Tango One. Proceed.

Q: Tell me honestly, Sir: Are you ready to do some God Damn Banking?
A: Fuck yes I am. Let's fucking do this.

Q: Does my butt look fat in these pants?
A: I need to see a photo. But if youre asking, the answer is probably Yes.

Q: Do you have any idea how much I hate reading from this fucking script for $7.60 an hour?
A: I am SHOCKED.

Q. Who wrote the Book of Love?
A. The Marquis de Sade. No, really, look it up.

Q. Why do fools fall in love?
A. Hormones, beer and low standards.

Q. Where have all the good times gone?
A. My pants.

Q. Why does it burn when I pee?
A. You're using too much torque.

Q. For whom does the bell toll?
A. Ask not, for it tolls for thee.

Q. Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?
A. Shaft. Damn right.

Q: I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?
A: Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.

Q: Do you know the answer to your secret question?
A: I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. Can you repeat that?

Q: You can do it, put your back into it.
A: I can do it, put your ass into it.

Q: And you chased it, right? You ran and ran, finally caught up to it and you picked it up. But it wasn't a hat anymore and it changed into something else, something wonderful.
A: No, it stayed a hat, and no, I didn't chase it. Nothing more foolish than a man chasing his hat.

Q: You know Charlie Walser? Has the place east of Sanderson? Well you know how they used to slaughter beeves, hit 'em with a maul right here to stun 'em... and then up and slit their throats?
A: Well here Charlie has one trussed up and all set to drain him and the beef comes to. It starts thrashing around, six hundred pounds of very pissed-off livestock if you'll pardon me... Charlie grabs his gun there to shoot the damn thing in the head but what with the swingin' and twistin' it's a glance-shot and ricochets around and comes back hits Charlie in the shoulder. You go see Charlie, he still can't reach up with his right hand for his hat... Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer the issue is not certain.

Q: Wanna know how I got these scars?
A: My father was... a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not-one-bit. So - me watching - he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it! Turns to me, and he says, "why so serious, son?" Comes at me with the knife... "Why so serious?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face!"

Q: How do you spell your name?
A: I thought we already covered this?

Q: What's the third word on the fifth page of the Manual?
A: Threepwood

Q: Who are Yelena and Channon?
A: My filthy assistants.