[Velvet]

Glossary of Alternative Medical Terms
Benign................What you be after you be eight.
Artery................The study of paintings.
Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria.
Barium................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome.
Cat scan...............Searching for kitty.
Cauterize.............Made eye contact with her.
Colic.................A sheep dog.
Coma..................A punctuation mark.
D & C.................Where Washington is.
Dilate................To live long.
Enema.................Not a friend.
Fester................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula................A small lie.
Genital...............Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series...........World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on.
Impotent..............Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain............Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane.
Morbid................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates..............Cheaper than day rates.
Node..................Was aware of
Outpatient.... .......A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear..... .......A fatherhood test.
Pelvis................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum................Darn near killed him.
Secretion.............Hiding something.
Seizure...............Roman emperor.
Tablet................A small table.
Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the Bus Station
Tumor.................More than one.
Urine.................Opposite of you're out.
Varicose..............Near by/close by.
Vein..................Conceited.

[halfasleep]

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

I have nothing to add at this time!! :lol: Except, very good!!

[halfasleep]

I lied... I do have stuff to add... from the arf-hives.... :p

New words for the 21st century...



Crumbpet - a dog who cleans up after you eat a cookie!

Absense - not healthful to have a beer belly!

Infirmation - the latest medical news about stuff that will
make you sick!

Chorduroy - pants that make multi-note sounds when you walk!

Cornycopia - a plethora of these kinds of jokes!

Cosmatic - automated make-up applicator!

Pnewmatic drill - works better than the old one!

Softwear - socks, sweaters!

Bundled softwear - 6 pack of socks!

Radeo - broadcasting the audio portion of a rodeo!

Chimpion - winner of the chimp contest!

DeSigner - French sign maker!

E-mail Massage - the love-you, "feel good" forwards you get
on the internet!

Expresso - speedy coffee service!

[halfasleep]

What do you mean the first one applies to me... :blink:


Hilariousian - Someone who thinks they are very
funny, but everyone is laughing at him instead of
with him.

Palcohol: One's proclivity to become friendlier the more
one drinks (warning: may lead to male hugging!

Sextension - tension that builds up since your last sexual
experience. ---
Scott

Typast - a recently fired typist for making continuous
typographical errors.

Testocular - the connection between what a man sees and
his sex organ.

Rubbermaid**Ribbermaid. A maid that continuously teases you.

Sucker**Sicker. Someone who is always sicker than you are.

Pitfall**Potfall. The biggest pothole in the road on the way to work.

Sunny**Sinny. The feeling you have after calling in sick on a sunny day.
Buxom**Boxom. Slang for packing the lightbulbs into the box at work.

CellPhone**SellPhone. What you had to do after you got your first
months cellphone bill. Bob R.

Self-Sighteous - A person who is so attractively and expensively
attired that they think everything they say or do is moral
(as in lawyers, politicians, etc.).

I have a couple of twisted definitions to add...
Buffetlo: Big-boned creature frequently sighted grazing in their
favorite all-you-can-eat habitat.

Hammerage: the red liquid that leaks out of your thumb after a
nail-driving mishap.

Abdominos: A pizza chain where your order is delivered by
a personal trainer. -- Cindy

[Velvet]

:lmao: halfasleep I would love to meet you .. you are brilliant