04-25-2005, 06:25 PM
[indent][b]Aries (March 21 - April 19) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]To your vast embarrassment, you will be unable to describe the differences between halibut, sole, and flounder. It's easy to remember, though -- they are (in order) "big", "small", and "clumsy." [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]In one of those amusing mix-ups that happen so frequently in modern life, a friend of yours will have mistaken your reference to "her suit" and thought you said "hirsute." Still, this may prove a little awkward. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]The bad news is, you're competing for that new job with a Hindu goddess. The good news is, if you think YOU have trouble figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview... [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will discover Pablo Picasso's secret. He didn't deliberately invent cubist art. He just liked painting accident victims. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will receive a "Dear John" letter from a loved one today, but much to your relief, your name isn't "John." [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today is a good day to crash through the underbrush, making loud snorting sounds. Beware of poachers, however. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Everyone's talking about Nostradamus these days, but nobody ever remembers his first name. Except you. People may think it's pretentious of you to talk about "Bob Nostradamus", but who cares? They'll all die when the comet hits, anyway. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Someone you don't like will make repeated attempts to talk to you today. The best way to handle this is to stuff extremely crunchy food in your mouth during each attempt, and then mumble "What?" while looking at something slightly over their left shoulder. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]This is not a good day to start a new romance. Particularly not a new romance based on a personals classified ad in the back of Mad magazine. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Your obsession with Lapsang Souchong tea takes a turn for the worse, today, as you begin secretly soaking your undergarments in it. Professional help is indicated. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You haven't been sleeping well, but that will soon change. You will develop the knack of falling instantly asleep whenever you want to -- either at night, or during boring meetings. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]What are you looking here, for? You should be on a spaceship, sticking a fish in your ear. It's not like you didn't get enough hints. If you are vaporized, it's your own darned fault, I'd say. [/indent][/indent]
[/indent][indent][indent]To your vast embarrassment, you will be unable to describe the differences between halibut, sole, and flounder. It's easy to remember, though -- they are (in order) "big", "small", and "clumsy." [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]In one of those amusing mix-ups that happen so frequently in modern life, a friend of yours will have mistaken your reference to "her suit" and thought you said "hirsute." Still, this may prove a little awkward. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]The bad news is, you're competing for that new job with a Hindu goddess. The good news is, if you think YOU have trouble figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview... [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will discover Pablo Picasso's secret. He didn't deliberately invent cubist art. He just liked painting accident victims. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will receive a "Dear John" letter from a loved one today, but much to your relief, your name isn't "John." [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today is a good day to crash through the underbrush, making loud snorting sounds. Beware of poachers, however. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Everyone's talking about Nostradamus these days, but nobody ever remembers his first name. Except you. People may think it's pretentious of you to talk about "Bob Nostradamus", but who cares? They'll all die when the comet hits, anyway. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Someone you don't like will make repeated attempts to talk to you today. The best way to handle this is to stuff extremely crunchy food in your mouth during each attempt, and then mumble "What?" while looking at something slightly over their left shoulder. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]This is not a good day to start a new romance. Particularly not a new romance based on a personals classified ad in the back of Mad magazine. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Your obsession with Lapsang Souchong tea takes a turn for the worse, today, as you begin secretly soaking your undergarments in it. Professional help is indicated. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You haven't been sleeping well, but that will soon change. You will develop the knack of falling instantly asleep whenever you want to -- either at night, or during boring meetings. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]What are you looking here, for? You should be on a spaceship, sticking a fish in your ear. It's not like you didn't get enough hints. If you are vaporized, it's your own darned fault, I'd say. [/indent][/indent]
