04-27-2005, 06:12 PM
[indent][b]Aries (March 21 - April 19) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Focus on financial issues today. It's OK to keep putting your money in your mattress, but you might want to switch to paper money. (It's less jingley.) [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Excellent day to make strange mouth noises, particularly in a crowded elevator. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Good day to bring donuts to a meeting. Later, ask people how their diets are going. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will exercise self-discipline. It's about time, too! Your self-discipline was starting to get somewhat portly. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Your plans to take over the world move forward to the next stage, soon, right on schedule. What you need now is a hunch-backed henchperson with pale protruding eyes. Fortunately for you, a suitible candidate will soon show up at your door, dressed as a peanut. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]A swarm of rats will sneak up on you, and you will be suddenly engulfed in a squeaking, biting, torrent of rabid vermin. Oops! No, ha ha, looks like I forgot about the influence of Venus, didn't I? Sorry. Hmmm. Ok...actually, today you will have pizza. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will discover an ancient stone tablet on which mystic runes are carved. Oddly, when you find someone to translate them from Old Norse, it will turn out to be a collection of moose jokes. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Ever had one of those times when you ask someone "What are the crunchy things in the oatmeal?" and they say "Crunchy things?" Soon, you will. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]At this point you have two choices: you can either get a haircut, or dye your hair white and black and pretend to be an old english sheepdog. The latter is usually more fun, but slightly less practical. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will find a small speckled egg, shimmering a little, in the fireplace. If you keep it warm in a 350 degree oven for 3 weeks, it will hatch into a small dragon, and then eat you. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will accidentally throw your back out. Not only will that really hurt, but the trash guys will get really surly when you ask for it back. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will be intensely jealous of a rival today. Finally, you will realise that it isn't doing you any good to be jealous, so you'll switch over to envy. [/indent][/indent]
[/indent][indent][indent]Focus on financial issues today. It's OK to keep putting your money in your mattress, but you might want to switch to paper money. (It's less jingley.) [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Excellent day to make strange mouth noises, particularly in a crowded elevator. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Good day to bring donuts to a meeting. Later, ask people how their diets are going. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will exercise self-discipline. It's about time, too! Your self-discipline was starting to get somewhat portly. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Your plans to take over the world move forward to the next stage, soon, right on schedule. What you need now is a hunch-backed henchperson with pale protruding eyes. Fortunately for you, a suitible candidate will soon show up at your door, dressed as a peanut. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]A swarm of rats will sneak up on you, and you will be suddenly engulfed in a squeaking, biting, torrent of rabid vermin. Oops! No, ha ha, looks like I forgot about the influence of Venus, didn't I? Sorry. Hmmm. Ok...actually, today you will have pizza. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will discover an ancient stone tablet on which mystic runes are carved. Oddly, when you find someone to translate them from Old Norse, it will turn out to be a collection of moose jokes. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Ever had one of those times when you ask someone "What are the crunchy things in the oatmeal?" and they say "Crunchy things?" Soon, you will. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]At this point you have two choices: you can either get a haircut, or dye your hair white and black and pretend to be an old english sheepdog. The latter is usually more fun, but slightly less practical. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will find a small speckled egg, shimmering a little, in the fireplace. If you keep it warm in a 350 degree oven for 3 weeks, it will hatch into a small dragon, and then eat you. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will accidentally throw your back out. Not only will that really hurt, but the trash guys will get really surly when you ask for it back. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will be intensely jealous of a rival today. Finally, you will realise that it isn't doing you any good to be jealous, so you'll switch over to envy. [/indent][/indent]