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a buddy of mine from high school is getting married. he warned me that alcohol service will not be starting until after dinner at the reception, so I should bring my own to last until then. I'm thinking I should bring whiskey in a flask rather than a bunch of beers, so I don't interrupt the ceremony with the pop-top "psssssh" sound during the Lord's Prayer or the vows
losing your spirit in the church may expose you to finish with another sould being installed into your body.
This has happened to me before. I put a bunch of those little mini bottles of vodka in my purse.
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When you are as close as we are, you can call him John.
I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?
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since there isn't a fucking thing happening on the board right now - anybody got a "drunk at a wedding" story? can be self-incriminating or at someone else's expense
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When I graduated high school a guy we called "armpit" had a pint of rebel yell in his shirt pocket under his gown with a straw long enough to reach his mouth.
I was sitting behind the Valedictorian and another guy passed me a sign to tape on the back of her gown. It said, "I'm a big green grasshoper, look at my ovic positer". She wore it the whole ceremony.
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you'll be at larry's wedding?
ntype Wrote:unrack me it's another false friend. mmh you were "readjusted" but I suppose that google translation is another source of bizzareness in one of my posts.
I fear that.
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I used to bartend weddings. At one particular event the best man was really nervous about giving his speech, so he was ordering Tanguerray and tonic doubles for 2 hours straight. That little fucker must have put down damn near 12 of them. Rack him for that.
Anyway, about 30 minutes after his speech he's hanging out at the bar and he calls my mother a whore. I asked him, "What did you say?" and he repeated it with a little bit of stank in his voice. So I cut him off. Fuck him.
The other groomsmen started giving me shit; "Fuck you, pop jockey. He's not getting cut off by anyone that makes $5.00 an hour pimping beers and Cokes. Fuck you."
Me: "Yeah? You're cut off too. And you, and you, and you..."
Random Groomsmen: "What the fuck am I getting cut off for? I didn't even say anything!"
Me: "Tell your dumbass friends to shut their mouths and you wouldn't have problems like this."
Every time I saw one of those guys drinking beer I cut a different person off. I didn't really care about their tips, because I was stealing out of the register anyway. I liked that job.
BIRD33 Wrote:Im guessing BEW's vag loks like a hotdog that exploded in the microwave.
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I bartended a wedding reception..
I served a 10 year old crown and coke..
I haven't bartended a reception since
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the last wedding I went to had a cocktail reception for an hour and a half before dinner. after after we all get into the ballroom, they pour champagne and the parents, best man, etc make toasts. we were missing a few guests at our table, but I go ahead and have the flutes for their seats filled up anyway. after the first toast, I knocked back my champagne. 2nd toast, I took the one next to me. 3rd toast, I emptied out the last "extra" glass of champagne. mrs. what? stuck a fork in the back of my hand when I reached for her glass for the 4th toast. fortunately, I'd packed a couple of beer bottles in my tux pockets in case of such an emergency. I downed those while waving like a madman at the waiters/waitresses and pointed in a not-very-inconspicuous way (re: flailing) at my empty glass(es). then I grease an older mexican attendant 10 bucks to fetch a few more beers and go tell one of my friends, who is not mexican but we kid him about looking mexican, "son, we need to talk about your mother".
dinner had, along with some pretty good food, a rice dish with mint in it. what the fuck? has anybody ever had this? I took a bite and did kind of a mouth open chewing and let the rice fall out of my mouth. mrs what is horrified, I tell her "it tastes like fucking toothpaste".
cut to dancing. pretty good band, the lead singer looked exactly like Weezie (sp?) from the Jeffersons. I didn't have enough cash on me to get her to sing "we movin' on up". one of my buddy's date started dancing. fucking hilarious. this chick was like Elaine on that episode of Seinfeld, on crack. later mrs. what? felt sorry for her and said she danced like a guy. I said "no, she dances like a pinata. she looked like people were beating her with sticks." at one point she lifted her dress over her head. she kicked off a shoe and hit Weezie onstage. we were laughing so hard it looked like Shout from Animal House, with us all rolling on the floor.
end of the night were were in the hospitality suite. some friends and friends-of friends decide they want to play quarters. mrs. what? wants to play. mrs. what? sucks at quarters. also, she doesn't like beer. mr. what? gets even more shitfaced. good time
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does everyone have a friend that looks mexican?
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Anhil8tor Wrote:does everyone have a friend that looks mexican?
All my friends who look mexican are.
I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?
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PS:
Did we determine if What? is going to Larry's wedding?
I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?
