08-18-2004, 07:31 AM
Ok, I'm sitting on the toilet shitting, thinking about hot asians, reading this months 'Fat Trailer Bitch', and smelling my own gas all at once but at the same time trying not to intertwine each of these things in my mind because one can really ruin the other. Anywho, I shot out an enormous shit log and at that moment I realized that I didn't wipe myself the last time I pooped. The old crap melded with my ass pubes and dried to form an ass-pube-net, if you will. So today when I shot out that big log of human goodness(shit) It got trapped and entangled in my ass-pube-net. It was pretty messy and it hasn't dried yet. I got a fork out of the kitchen and tried to break the net, but no dice. Any ideas?
I tried the shower thing and the hot water didn't melt my ass-pube-net. And BTW, I wiped the shit off the fork with a pair of my uncle's dirty underpants which were sitting on the kitchen table before putting it back.
I had my girlfriend come over to help me with my ass-pube net. She tried to remove it with a comb, a pair of her aunt's nail clippers, and an icecube, but it didn't get rid of my asspube net and only ended up getting her dirty and smelly, so she gave up and went home.
My ass-pube-net problem was resolved by the way. My uncle had to drive me to the hospital where a proctologist had to go in a slice a layer of my ass-flesh off, although now I have extreme bleeding hemmorhoids out the wazoo!!!! And becuase we haven't yet upgraded the toilets in our house to ones that flush (yes my parents are living in the 1980's still...) we got an ear full from the hospitals psychotherapist.
Heheh! There was one funny thing that happened out of this whole mess. When the doctor was inspecting my net I blasted gas in her face! The look in her eyes was fantastic, I thought she was going to cry!
No my girlfriend had to break up with me thanks to my stupid uncle. My ass of an uncle was like "you're not allowed going out with my daughter any more!" and I was like "FINE THEN!" and then slammed the door in my face. My sister is looking ok now so I might ask her out soon, pending that my dad says it's ok for us to go steady.
I tried the shower thing and the hot water didn't melt my ass-pube-net. And BTW, I wiped the shit off the fork with a pair of my uncle's dirty underpants which were sitting on the kitchen table before putting it back.
I had my girlfriend come over to help me with my ass-pube net. She tried to remove it with a comb, a pair of her aunt's nail clippers, and an icecube, but it didn't get rid of my asspube net and only ended up getting her dirty and smelly, so she gave up and went home.
My ass-pube-net problem was resolved by the way. My uncle had to drive me to the hospital where a proctologist had to go in a slice a layer of my ass-flesh off, although now I have extreme bleeding hemmorhoids out the wazoo!!!! And becuase we haven't yet upgraded the toilets in our house to ones that flush (yes my parents are living in the 1980's still...) we got an ear full from the hospitals psychotherapist.
Heheh! There was one funny thing that happened out of this whole mess. When the doctor was inspecting my net I blasted gas in her face! The look in her eyes was fantastic, I thought she was going to cry!
No my girlfriend had to break up with me thanks to my stupid uncle. My ass of an uncle was like "you're not allowed going out with my daughter any more!" and I was like "FINE THEN!" and then slammed the door in my face. My sister is looking ok now so I might ask her out soon, pending that my dad says it's ok for us to go steady.
Shoot Straight . . . Conserve Ammo . . . And Never Ever Cut A Deal With A Dragon
