09-24-2004, 06:50 PM
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will develop a sudden bizarre craving for a bologna sandwich on white bread with mayonaisse and iceberg lettuce. Fight it!
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your car is possessed again, so you should swing by the exorcist on the way to work. I always hate it when mine is repossessed...
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to go around "nudging" people.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You are about to burn the roof of your mouth on pizza. It won't be the first time, either.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Ever had one of those times when you ask someone "What are the crunchy things in the oatmeal?" and they say "Crunchy things?" Soon, you will.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will attempt to capitalize on the success of SPAM by inventing SPEEF. Unfortunately, you would have been much better off trying to make SPICKEN, instead.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
And old friend will call today, who you haven't talked to in years. He'll remind you that you owe him money.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will find a renewed interest in home repair or remodelling soon. Oddly, that will occur shortly after a visit by your nephew.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Someone you've never met will come up and nudge you today. You don't have to stand for that, though, and you should just nudge them right back.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Small fluffy animals will come over and lean on you, today. It's just their way of showing their appreciation, and of telling you that you are furniture.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more, unless you've paid.
You will develop a sudden bizarre craving for a bologna sandwich on white bread with mayonaisse and iceberg lettuce. Fight it!
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Your car is possessed again, so you should swing by the exorcist on the way to work. I always hate it when mine is repossessed...
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to go around "nudging" people.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You are about to burn the roof of your mouth on pizza. It won't be the first time, either.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Ever had one of those times when you ask someone "What are the crunchy things in the oatmeal?" and they say "Crunchy things?" Soon, you will.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will attempt to capitalize on the success of SPAM by inventing SPEEF. Unfortunately, you would have been much better off trying to make SPICKEN, instead.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
And old friend will call today, who you haven't talked to in years. He'll remind you that you owe him money.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will find a renewed interest in home repair or remodelling soon. Oddly, that will occur shortly after a visit by your nephew.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Someone you've never met will come up and nudge you today. You don't have to stand for that, though, and you should just nudge them right back.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Small fluffy animals will come over and lean on you, today. It's just their way of showing their appreciation, and of telling you that you are furniture.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more, unless you've paid.
