03-18-2005, 08:48 PM
[indent][b]Aries (March 21 - April 19) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will realize that it seems quite impossible to make any sense out of life, especially when you consider what life must be like in Nebraska. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Your plans to take over the world move forward to the next stage, soon, right on schedule. What you need now is a hunch-backed henchperson with pale protruding eyes. Fortunately for you, a suitible candidate will soon show up at your door, dressed as a peanut. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Someone will dash up to you today, say "meep meep! bthpblthpblthp!", and then dash off. At least now you'll know how to spell it. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Good time to go into business making measuring spoons. Good ones to start with would be a "smidgeon" and a "pinch." [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]If you've been wanting to become a religious leader, today is the day to get cracking on it. Otherwise, probably an uneventful day. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Not a good time to go forth and conquer. Try going fifth, and hover in the background. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Family problems again. It'll be just like that Rolling Stones song, about how you "Can't Always Get What You Wa-ant", except that in your case, you can replace one of the words with "Ever." Try being positive and future-focused. Also, pretend you don't speak English. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You feel like you're slowly being crushed at work, in a mental and spiritual sense. Perhaps travel would refresh you? For spiritually beneficial travel, I usually consult my neighborhood Astral Travel Agency. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Beware of celery. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will be invited to go on a 3 hour boat tour, which you think will be lots of fun. It may last longer than you expect... [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will soon send off for plans to build your own hovercraft. Your scheme to disguise it as a giant floating eyeball is a bit silly, though. Personally, I'd make it look like you were wearing a giant hoop-skirt, in which case the engine sound and levitation might easily be passed off as a rather unfortunate case of intestinal gas. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will lose all self-control. You'll find it again tomorrow, though -- it just rolled under the couch. [/indent][/indent]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will realize that it seems quite impossible to make any sense out of life, especially when you consider what life must be like in Nebraska. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Taurus (April 20 - May 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Your plans to take over the world move forward to the next stage, soon, right on schedule. What you need now is a hunch-backed henchperson with pale protruding eyes. Fortunately for you, a suitible candidate will soon show up at your door, dressed as a peanut. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Gemini (May 21 - June 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Someone will dash up to you today, say "meep meep! bthpblthpblthp!", and then dash off. At least now you'll know how to spell it. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Cancer (June 21 - July 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Good time to go into business making measuring spoons. Good ones to start with would be a "smidgeon" and a "pinch." [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Leo (July 23 - August 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]If you've been wanting to become a religious leader, today is the day to get cracking on it. Otherwise, probably an uneventful day. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Virgo (August 23 - September 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Not a good time to go forth and conquer. Try going fifth, and hover in the background. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Libra (September 22 - October 22) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Family problems again. It'll be just like that Rolling Stones song, about how you "Can't Always Get What You Wa-ant", except that in your case, you can replace one of the words with "Ever." Try being positive and future-focused. Also, pretend you don't speak English. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You feel like you're slowly being crushed at work, in a mental and spiritual sense. Perhaps travel would refresh you? For spiritually beneficial travel, I usually consult my neighborhood Astral Travel Agency. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Beware of celery. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will be invited to go on a 3 hour boat tour, which you think will be lots of fun. It may last longer than you expect... [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]You will soon send off for plans to build your own hovercraft. Your scheme to disguise it as a giant floating eyeball is a bit silly, though. Personally, I'd make it look like you were wearing a giant hoop-skirt, in which case the engine sound and levitation might easily be passed off as a rather unfortunate case of intestinal gas. [/indent][/indent][indent][b]Pisces (February 19 - March 20) [/b]
[/indent][indent][indent]Today you will lose all self-control. You'll find it again tomorrow, though -- it just rolled under the couch. [/indent][/indent]
